Skillz

Dearest Fam,

So, yesterday was Valentine's Day.  This day is normally foreboding and somewhat ominous in the wonderful world of singledom, but I usually just let it pass like any other day.  This year, I decided that I was going to step up my socialness.  Yep - I was going to put forth as much effort in the area of dating and getting to know more males that I could without crossing into man's territory of being in control.  In order to do this, I decided that I would have random group dinners at my house.  This consists of me plotting who I could invite that may not know each other and then inviting each person individually so that they feel more special and inclined to attend.  So far, so good.  2 dinners down and the result?  At least 1 date that I know of.  Not for me, but for my friend.  That's good too, right?!

So getting back to last night.  I decided to have another group dinner.  I know it was Valentine's Day, but I made it non-pink-non-romantic-just-good-clean-fun!  There were 5 guys and 5 girls.  We had breakfast for dinner and I made the guys draw from a hat the station that they were assigned to - omelets, smoothies, pancakes, sausages & hashbrowns, or dinner table setting.  Everyone was assigned a post and the fun began.  I was on the dinner table setting with my friend Rayne.  Rayne is 6'10".  Yep.  Pretty amazing.  He is the tallest man that I know.  I call him the "Gentle Giant".  He is super nice.  I told everyone there that they had to find out 3 interesting things about the person that they were with and report to everyone at dinner.  Rayne told me about how he played professional basketball oversees for 4 years, went on a high speed chase with the California Highway Patrol (over 100 mph for 20 minutes is intense!), and has been a movie extra often and was almost the stunt double for Vince Vaughan, but was too tall. :)

The evening was a success with our final guests leaving after 5 hours o' fun!  Yeah, we were VERY tired at that point, but kept smiling and laughing!  Many stories were shared, much  laughter and joy was had, and people got to know each other better.  Mission accomplished!  We'll see if anything comes of it.  I have a pretty good track record of setting people up and something actually coming of it! :)  We'll just call it my skillz.

Dating Stories - Blind Dates

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I think it is appropriate on this day to share a few quick stories from the dating adventures of Benson Honeydew...

The year was 2007 and I was sure that I was going to have a girlfriend that year. I decided that I would take all opportunities given. Therefore, I agreed to all blind dates offered. They started off well-meaning, but then began to shift... So, since I went on over ten that year and several since, I will attempt to make a short list with a brief commentary on each experience... (Key: PSU=person setting me up, R=reason)

PSU - The Bentleys, R - "good fit", result = Gary leaning over the table at the Hogi Yogi apologizing for setting us up.

PSU - Sabra's sister, R - "she looked through Sabra's wedding album and spotted me", result = my wallet was lighter.

PSU - Aaron's friend Jenny, R - "she's a really cute girl", result = This is a funny story I'm sure I've shared with you all. She sat stone-faced next to me in The Bridge to Terabithia as I wept like a child. She also thought Matt was making fun of her the whole night, though he wasn't...

PSU - Matt's friend Kim, R - "she's a really cute girl" (if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...), result = first half of the night she was warm, second half of the night she was cold as ice. I attempted a side hug as she ran into her house at night's end. Kim told me she would allow me a second date... I laughed.

PSU - a friend from the ward, R - "she doesn't go out much...", result = yep, she doesn't go out much.

PSU - Aunt Lark, R - "you guys would really be good together", result = I believe I have a more clear understanding of how Aunt Lark views me... Aunt Lark originally wanted me to commit to two dates...

PSU - A bishop in the stake, R - "she is musical and perfect for you", result = She wasn't convinced. She didn't help the date go too smoothly. In the end, I ended up thanking her and forgot her name a few weeks later, and then ran into her again shortly thereafter...

PSU - Brian Ebert, R - "she is a cute girl", result = This is a black mark on my record. I gave her a handshake at night's end. I feel ashamed, but it happened.

PSU - Senior missionaries from my mission, R - "beautiful janitor at the MTC" (where they were serving), result = I went to Provo, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and a shake to go with it. She was very chatty throughout the date, then gave me the shove-off at the door. I was played... by the janitor.

PSU - friend from Church, R - "dude, it would be so good to have you in the family" (he was marrying her sister), result = It was December, she was tan... or orange rather... Dinner was good...

There were others that were pretty neutral. It has been pretty adventurous to say the least. I must admit that I used to criticize others for not taking the opportunities that others gave them. Now I understand the hesitation. That's the news from Potomac River, where all the women are working, all the men are good dressers, and all the children are in daycare.

The Countdown Begins

So, we (mostly me) have been getting overly excited about the upcoming Spring Break Hammond Extravaganza de California. As I was sitting in my Accounting Integration class recently, I found myself thinking about how awesome this trip is going to be, especially March 19th from 8:00 am until midnight. (Yes, I checked the times Disneyland was open that day. even.) Just so you are all aware and can cease being nervous about the uncertainties of rides being closed, I am happy to announce that only lame rides are closed that day. Also, I have outlined our itinerant destinations so we can hit every 'awesome awesome awesome' ride multiple times. Even.


Estimated Arrival at Disneyland: 6:52.
Estimated Time Waiting and almost dying of excitement: 1 hour 8 minutes
Estimated Excitement Factor of Brigette: Uncontrollable
Estimated Overall Experience: Priceless
Estimated Wait Times on All Rides: 8 hours 43 minutes (considering the sheer volume of rides we will be partaking in for 16 hours, this is a good figure) ;)

Top Five Destinations:

1. Le Piece de Resistance, aka the Indiana Jones Adventure Ride.

Generally, this ride has the longest wait time of all the awesome rides. Do you want to know why? Because it's AWESOME!

2. Space Mountain
3. Buzz Lightyear "Shoot 'em Up!" (Matt's terminology)
4. Splash Mountain
5. Thunder Mountain Railroad

Next Top Five: (Don't worry, I can keep going)

1. The Ultimate Awesome "Matt"erhorn
2. Pirates of the Caribbean
3. The Haunted Mansion
4. The Peter Pan Ride
5. The TEACUPS!!!

Are you overwhelmed yet? Don't worry, we will be partaking in delicious treats along the way.

Top Five Treats we HAVE to Eat:

1. Dole Pineapple Whips
2. Churros (at least 3 each)
3. Dole Pineapple Float
4. Ice Cream from that wonderful Main Street Location - Carnation
5. Dole Pineapple Juice

If this doesn't sound awesome, you need awesome lessons from Captain Awesome or a couple rounds on the Winnie the Pooh ride. Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to this trip, and not just because of the Awesome Beach House. But seriously, thank you Parentals for putting this all together! It will definitely give us a chance to chill-ax and get in touch with our inner child. We are so excited I don't even think we will have to rent kids to go to Disneyland. Now excuse me while I go back to my statistical projections on ride waits. Peace. Love. Disney.

I have lost my wow factor

Hello again dear family,

I think I can consider myself an active blogger now after three posts in two weeks. This is more in response to a request from Heather to tell you all about what is being termed "the snowpocalypse". It is cold. It is snowy. As I alluded to in the title, I can no longer impress people with my claim to fame of cold, snowy winters in Salt Lake City. This is more akin to the weather I experienced with Dad when we went to Yellowstone on the snowmobile trip with the priests quorum. It is quite the spectacle. School has been cancelled for three days and it is likely to be cancelled tomorrow as well. In the meantime, I have studied, read, and watched The Princess Bride. I hope you enjoy the photos I am attaching to this post. It does not do it justice because you cannot see the frigid wind. At least the snow has now stopped and we will just have to wait for the 4 feet of snow to melt! I just received word that class is cancelled tomorrow as well. That is the fourth snow day in a row. I am hating it now that I have things that I need to be doing and learning. This would have been a dream come true as a child. Ah well, perhaps I will release my inner child tomorrow long enough to build a snowman. That's the news from the Potomac River; where all the women are empowered, all the men are snappy dressers, and all the children are in daycare.

Much love,

Benson Honeydew

An explanation of the photo

Hello dear family,

I would like to first thank Heather for posting a more flattering picture of me on this blog. I suppose your imaginations are making-up the wildest stories. After all, you know me to be quite the ladies man. First of all, yes, that is a feathered boa you see. Second, yes, there are four of them in the picture with me. My name that night was Stuart D. Muffin. They all called me "Stu"... good, Aaron, sound it out...it sounds like "Stud Muffin". It was a Murder Mystery Dinner and Evening put on by Diana who you all may remember from my exciting visit to the premiere of High School Musical 3. My character was supposed to be handsome, charming, yet stupid. I played the first two adjectives well, but I was even better at the last. I believe I naturally filled that part of the role. My character gave me abilities I didn't know I had! It was as if I was Stud Muffin himself. I had my arm around each of the girls at least once during the night. I winked until I thought I had a twitch in my eye. Yet, by the middle of the night, I realized that I could not take my jacket off, for someone had taken a water pistol and shot me in the armpits... So the jacket stayed on, and Stud kept getting hotter (in more ways than one). Truth be told, my character was guilty only of having affairs with every lady in the company (surprise!). The murderer was someone else much smarter than I. So if I am ever accused of a crime, please stand by me in my defense that "I'm a lover not a fighter".

That's the news from the Honeydew... thanks for reading!

This Little Light of Mine. . . .

Family,

Sunday was a good day.  A long day, really.  Like most Sundays I had many things to do and many places to be.  After a long evening filled with a Sunday stroll, playing with children, eating dinner at 2 houses, and spending some time with my roommates, it was time for the climactic event.  The event that tops all events.  The birthday of my dear friend Karl.

Karl is a strange chap.  He called me one night last year and said, "Heather, I need friends and you're cool.  I have a girlfriend right now, but I need someone to come be my friend tonight with my friend who's visiting and his date. . . ."  I was also dating someone and thought this proposal quite strange, but then again, it was Karl!

To celebrate his birthday this year, he decided one morning at 4 a.m. (his evening) that he wanted to hold a candlelight vigil.  We all received and Evite and thought - wow - that's so Karl!  Here is what it said:


For my birthday I want a candlelight vigil.  So I am going to have one.  Here's the details:

First, if you can, dress in all black, or all dark colors.  I will have a cheap mask (maybe) to wear and a candle for you to hold.  (I am seeing a bunch of people holding candles in front of masked faces at night all dressed in black and I think it will be kind of surreal.)

To prepare for this solemn occasion we will attend services at Stanford Memorial church beginning at 9 PM: A reflective 30-minute service of hymns and chant sung in the tranquil candlelit ambiance of Memorial Church.

Then Bob, who will MC the event, will usher us onto the steps of Stanford by the Oval for a short program around 9:30:

Bob: Opening Remarks
Opening Hymn: "Choose the Right"
Group: Share feelings, song, poetry, or dance as you feel inspired to come before the group -- "what it means to be a friend" or "what it means to grow a year older" are all acceptable topics, or anything that is important to you, this is a safe environment for everyone to open up and share, no one will judge you--certainly not me.
Birthday Boy: Brief remarks
Happy Birthday / Irish Drinking Song: Whiskey in the jar (lyrics will be printed out, Bob will play the guitar, everyone sing, and carouse, then I guess shout Happy Bday, because the song has nothing to do with birthdays.)
Cupcakes

Go home by 10 PM.

I think it will be fun.  Or at least different. 

And it was different!  I don't think that I've ever laughed so hard in my life!  We all showed up at Memorial Church on Stanford's campus for the Sunday evening chant at 9 p.m.  At 9:30, as it ended, we exited the church and went outside and gathered, to memorialize . . . er . . . honor our dear friend.  His roommate Bob who conducted opened with "Thank you for coming to celebrate the life and eventual death of our friend Karl."  He then opened it up to remarks from the "mourners".  There were odes and haikus read in his honor, then we closed with an Irish drinking song that is still stuck in my head. (click on the link in the invite)

All in all, it was the most different and hilarious birthday "memorial" that I have ever been to!

We Love You!!!

Mom and Dad!

Because we love you so very much, we wanted to start recording some of our memories, thoughts and other stuff in a blog for you.  We all have access to this blog - including you two, so you may post things whenever you like.  I required all of the kids to post something to start us off in honor of your anniversary, so enjoy their stories and jabs!  Happy 30th Anniversary!!!

WE LOVE YOU!!!!
The Gang (a.k.a. The Troops, Adult Offspring, the kids, HMBBA, etc.)

A Dedication from Aaron

All that I have to say is that our parents have set many memorable records that, as far as I know, have yet to be topped.

Let us begin with Mother,

-The first (and I believe only) woman in the history of the world to get into a physical fight with a towel rack and lose.

I am fairly certain that we can all remember and respect the nights with Mom and her strange out of body experiences. There were the nights where she would try to hit me and I slowly moved out of her way as her hand drifted delicately by. The nights where we couldn't pray due to her mufffled laughter. The nights where Mom couldn't walk to bed without running into several walls or banisters. The nights where Mom would talk like an alien; "live long and prosper". All of these were good times and they serve as small reminders of Mom's party life as a youngster. Good times Mom, good times.
Now, back to the original story, Mom slipped into the bathroom late at night in one of her moods. Tried to wash up with the light off, ran into a wall and ripped the towels off. The night didn't get much better since she fell off the bed trying to get back in. Love you Mom, thanks for making childhood exciting!

Now Dad,

-The only Bishop to ever violate his own safety rules... in the middle of their presentation.

I was young, but I remember two things; riding on the back of the jet ski and seeing the look of horror on Ben's face. Long story short, Dad thought that it would be funny to drive his jet ski as fast as he could at Ben in his little canoe and then stop right before impact. The plan was excecuted flawlessly but aparently this violated a water safety rule and the ward witnessed the act in the middle of their safety lecture. If it means anything Dad, your kids loved it! (Well, Matt and Aaron at least).

You guys really are the best. You have set a great example for all of us as to what a good marriage involves and I believe that all of your kids will benefit from the example that you have given us. Happy 30th anniversary Mom and Dad! Love ya!
-Aaron

Travels with the King's Singers

I remember the amazing travels of our family in the early years. I remember how we all had our place in the car. Heather was in the back seat corner. Matt was also in the back seat in the other corner. That left Aaron and I to duke it out for the window seat in the front. With the advent of portable cd players, we lost something special from our exciting adventures. It was the music and car games put on by Mom and Dad! First, Mom would start us off with a rousing license plate game, then move on to "I spy with my little eye". After these games started dying down, Dad would seize his opportunity and pushed in one of The King's Singers cassettes. Then Mom and Dad got into this mellow mood and sit up at the front talking quietly and holding hands. We all remember this from the back of the car. The AC was blowing heavily on us, we had finished most of the candy Mom had bought for the trip and Aaron was staring intently out the window trying not to get sick. This is when I was forced to relinquish my window seat if I had secured it by some miracle earlier. So I sat there in the front seat without something to lean on. Everyone else was doing their own thing, and I felt sick from licorice mixed with wheat thin crackers and "healthy grapes" that Mom had packed. Without anything to lean on, I sort of slumped forward and let my head roll back and forth with the car as I tried to close my eyes. The King's Singers then came into focus and it was like they were always singing the same song, "good, good good! good vibrations!" I have since learned about the phenomenon called "classical conditioning". Pavlov's dogs are the perfect example of this. The King's Singers work in a similar way for all of us I believe. I sort of slump forward in my chair, get a pain in my belly, and start drifting off to sleep. There will always be the better association in my mind, however, of Mom and Dad holding hands, wearing their sunglasses, and talking quietly in the front of the car. Even though Dad usually didn't hear what Mom was saying, slowly nodding while she talked, it will always be a favorite memory for me of our parents completely content with each other. Your harmony as a couple is far superior to the dulcet tones of the King's Singers. And, even better, it doesn't make us all sick. I sure love you two and am so grateful for your marriage and love for each other. It has made my life so much better as a result.

A History of Games

Does this look familiar?


So we thought that some of our favorite memories with Mom and Dad have come while we've played games. The Wrath of the Shocker, the Dreaded Killer Bunnies, and the Always -Fun-to-Watch-Old-People-Lose Spaz Uno.

The Wrath of the Shocker

One night, Brigette and I thought it would be fun to introduce this lovely contraption to our elders at the Hammond pad. We entered with a pre-conceived plan on how to trick them into getting electrocuted by this horrific device.

The Scene: "The Kitchen Table."

"Hey, Dad! Grab this metal handle and we'll play this fun game!"

"Okay, Son. I trust you with my life."

"Hey, Mom! Come play this game with us. It's the best game ever!"(chortle-chortle)

"Oh, oh, let me finish this real quick! I'll be right over!"

(Pops seats himself at the table while Mom continues cleaning, oblivious to their children's evil ways)

"Basically, once the creepy song starts, you need to hit the button on top of the handle as fast as you can. Whoever hits it first wins!" (chortle-chortle)

"Sure thing, Son. "

(Pops grabs the handle rapidly. Momma Gulia finishes drying off a pot and then grabs the second handle after Pops has tried to call her away from cleaning for several minutes)"

"Okay, let's start!"

(Evil music commences and chaos ensues. Pops hits the button as fast as he can and gets electrocuted)

"Ahh!"

(Pops leaps up from the table)

"Oh, oh, oh!"

(Mom gets shocked simultaneously and yelps in pain)
(Matt and Brigette succumb to fits of laughter for the next several days. Hence forth, Matt and Brigette aren't allowed to bring games over)

The End

This is just a snippet of the epic of the Games. Prior to this experience, Killer Bunnies nearly cost us our marriage. On New Year's Eve, Pops wanted us to organize and play a game sent over with Brigette by Larissa called Killer Bunnies. About fifteen minutes into the instructions, Pops decided against participating further and abruptly left his hand of cards on the table. Brigette and I probably should've followed suit before I killed her hoard of bunnies with a Meteor card. That game was also banned from the Hammond Pad as well as from the M & B Casa de Awesomeness.

Several weeks back, we played a game of Spaz Uno with Aaron and the Padres. Each game had a very similar pattern: Brigette, Aaron, and I would all run out of cards as Dad's hand grew steadily and Mom's hand grew exponentially. Out of 50 tries, Mom would take the pot 47 times. Dad would get the rest because he loves his wife.

The Elderly continue to wow us with their tolerance. These stories are some simple examples of how much they can put up with. Every sunday night, we get to enjoy some time with them and they always make the occasion great. We have decided that we'll likely try to mirror the majority of things that these senior citizens represent. Brigette is already making plans to find a little anxiety-filled furball that we can take out on nightly walks and pamper with no limits. I have personal plans to lose 80% of my hair by my 40th birthday. Brigette has already started emulating Mom's late-night habits. Luckily, we don't have any stairs. Funny, but in our relationship, the snoring is reversed. I try to fall asleep as fast as I can just the way Mom does. All in all, we just wanted to say Happy 30th Anniversary to the Viejos and we happen to love you, currently.